Sunday, March 18, 2007

As I’m sat on my desk, working away, “Hilwa Ya Balady” playing softly in the background…a feeling, a fleeting image took me back to my grandparent’s house.

I was asking granddad to put on Dalida, after the pleading my wish was granted and the living room was turned into our dance studio. The music begins playing and my sister and I would be lost into its melody, arms flailing, spinning round and round until we were too dizzy to stand up and maybe fall once or twice while we gracefully jump from sofa to sofa.

Slowly the treasures of my grandparent’s house would come out of their drawers and cupboards. The Hijil, that was too big for our tiny ankles and the bright green piece of cloth that we would tie around our non existent bottoms, were an essential detail for our performance. The smiles and giggles accompanied us throughout the evening.

Those were the days when grandparents were young and fun to be with. Now I look at granddad, the most active person I’ve known all my life, sitting at his desk reading his newspaper with eyes slowly drifting and closing into a sleep that was brought by boredom. He shuffles his way from his study to the kitchen to his bedroom like an old person whose life has become a burden on him.

I’m sure he’s still the same person, somewhere the tennis player, the gardener enthusiast and the opinionated jido is there. I can hear it in his voice and see it sometimes but these occasions are becoming rare occurrences. The sharpness and attentiveness have been taken over by the unfocused, blue rimmed brown eyes.

Bebe has turned into this unhappy and depressed being. Only when her sons and family visit does she smile from deep within her heart. They give her purpose to life. Yet, this is taken away just as easily as it is brought, by their parting.

It is sad to think that once upon a time my Bebe and Jido were full of life and laughter.
I miss them and I miss being a child, unaware of these realities.


Caesar of Pentra said...

Hey, dreamer! It's seems that I've missed a couple of posts of yours. Lol
How are you? How is your study? Are you doing fine?
Take care ya bint belady ;)

Dreamer said...

Hey Caesar,
All is well. The studies are going slowly, really slowly. But all in all, things are good.
Hope everything is fine with you.

Little Penguin said...

it's a universal truth we cannot escape..

Andrew Marvell put it perfectly when he said:

"at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near"

My grandfather passed away 3 years ago, didn't get to know him very well but from what I knew later on he was a great personality.. a poet.. a linguist.. a friend.. a father.. his wife, bibi, has this tendancy to freeze things.. maybe it's a result of her time in Canada? lol

Cheer up.. cherish life while you can..

my A2 january results came out a couple of weeks ago.. disgraceful.. wish me luck!

Dreamer said...

Hey there Little Penguin,
You are right, one thing we cannot escape is the passage of time.

I am sorry about your grandfather.
And if freezing things relieves your grandmother then why not :)

And I wish you the best of luck with your exams and everything else. Don't be disheartened by your results, you still haven't finished the year. What subjects are you doing?

Little Penguin said...

girly stuff..

Psychology, Sociology and English Lit.. I'm always the most contributing in class.. teachers' favourite without doubt.. but when it comes to revising at home or doing work outside of college premises, it's impossible.. madri lesh..

Dreamer said...

No wonder you write so well and articulately. If that is where your passion lies then I see nothing wrong with it.

It is usually the case with us all students. The motivation is there when you are surounded by your colleagues, you just need to take it home with you. Although, it is easier said than done.

Once I figure out a way, then you shall be the first to know :)

zmanutdz said...

How easy to see the change in others whilst overlooking our ever-changing selves.

Advice to Little Penguin/Dreamer, maybe try to work at the library, it worked for me during A levels and at undergrad.

I wish I could have done one of yuor subjects, penguin, I truly wish...

Yasmin (Blanche) said...


That was very beautiful..i felt i can see u with my mind's eye dancing , wearing yr Hijil..
very nice ..i really loved the post..

Dreamer said...

:) I just needed to hear approval from someone, and I did!

The library would be the sensible thing to do, but I get even more distracted.

Welcome and thank you for your comment. I'm glad you enjoyed it :)

Anonymous said...

I am a student too and can totally relate to lack of motivation... especially in the spring!
I think your blog is very thoughtful and well-written. I am a student journalist at Ohio Wesleyan University, and it gave me an idea for an article. I think my fellow students could really benefit from knowing more about Iraqi youth. I'd love to ask you some questions about your schooling and background.

If you wouldn't mind helping out, please drop me a line at Thanks!


Konfused Kid said...

A nice post, you're getting better, it's nice to have blogs such as yours, without politics.

about the previous identity crisis, the only real way to be is only to satisfy yourself, but as you can find out later on, satisfiying oneself is also a great deal about satisifying how others perceive you, our need for attention always coming first and foremost, the question is difficult, and needs much thought, but I think that once you really decide what you want, which should inshalla come, you should just say: Fuck the world, and do it.

Little Penguin said...

very assertive words, kid! :).. admirable stuff..

Dreamer said...

Thank you for your encouraging words about the post.

That is well-said and nicely put! It sounds like you're talking from experience. Unfortuantely, I realised what you said lately, but I learned it the hard way.

joshua said... is a new web site dedicated to collecting open letters from the Iraqi to the American people. We accept and post all letters. We would love to have your participation.
With peace,

Caesar of Pentra said...

Alotta comments here! WOW!
By the way, where are you these days? I hope everything's cool right yours!